In Whom I Trust

Yesterday I went to have the registering and pretesting done for my surgery on Friday. I learned that I couldn't take my phentermine for the next week and it really seemed to throw me. Rich and I went out for lunch afterward and things seemed fine but when I got home I ate a two ounce portion of pecans, then not feeling satisfied I ate 2 blue bunny drumsticks. Then we had dinner late and I ate a huge portion of taco salad - filled I am sure with sodium because of the taco seasoning, olives, cheese, canned beans, and salad dressing. I knew all along what I was doing and instead of doing what I had planned to do I went ahead and ate the drumsticks and everything else - it was purely emotion driving the decisions. I was truly out of control. I felt like, "what's the use?" However, this morning the thought came to me that I was putting more trust in a stupid pill than in the Lord. I am ashamed to admit that but it certainly is true. How did I let what I believe the power of a little pill was supplant the power of the Lord?

As I ask myself that question the thought occurs that I really don't feel worthy of the Lord's help and so I don't turn to Him. Who gave me that thought? I think of the counsel of Nephi in 2 Nephi 32:3, 8-9 when Nephi says, " And now, Karen, I perceive that ye ponder still in your heart; and it grieveth me that I must speak concerning this thing. For IF ye would hearken unto the Spirit which teacheth a man to pray ye would know that ye MUST pray; for the evil spirit teacheth not a man to pray, but teacheth him that he must not pray.
"But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the FIRST PLACE ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that He will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul.
"Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will TELL you all things that ye should do."

Obviously Satan desires to stop me from turning to the Lord and obviously he would rather have me self destruct. He knows exactly how to tempt me and I didn't see it for what it was. I am so sorry for my weakness and how my eyes were closed - I am hoping that I am learning for the next time. It goes to show my lack of faith. But, I can turn to Him now and trust in His power to heal me - not the pill.