Freedom From Bondage

Last night I received and email from a friend from my Biggest Loser group. She weighs over 400 pounds and is miserable. We both have a belief in God and in his mercy and atonement...however, I have the fulness of the gospel and I am so grateful for that.

My heart went out to her - I tried to respond in a way that might point her to Christ as the power and way to escape the bondage that she is in...however, I doubt I had the words needed...I just hope I had the spirit with me. This morning I awakened with my thoughts turned to her again and I tried to respond again in such a way that she could feel the love of our Savior and again, I just don't know.

As I searched for ways and words to express my thoughts I turned to the book "He Did Deliver Me From Bondage" written by Colleen Harrison. Colleen wrote this book as a study guide to correlate with the 12 step program focusing on the Book of Mormon and the principles of the gospel. A couple of years ago I started through it as I was struggling but in the move I couldn't find the book and I don't even know if I was really working things properly then. A few weeks ago I found the box the book was in and last night I opened it in an attempt to find words of solace for my friend. As I opened its pages I recognized that I had had some significant miracles happen earlier in the year...miracles that opened my eyes and understanding enough to restart my weight loss journey and to feel the overwhelming love of my Savior.

In January, at the start of the new Gospel Doctrine curriculm, I decided to undertake a study of the Old Testament...to really study, to ponder, to learn. That process had given me new insights and understandings that really set me on the course I am on now - those miracles saved my life. But, just like the pride cycle, as Cherstin and the kids came, trips ensued, and my practice of going to the gym became habitual my study time diminished. It has not been totally eradicated...I listen to conference, BYU discussions on the Book of Mormon, and CES talks on my ipod while I exercise, and I study as deeply as I know how for my monthly Relief Society lesson that I teach. But I can feel that the consistent study, pondering, and prayer that had been my blessing at the beginning of the year has been replaced by good things - but I need to restore that practice because the conference talks, the ces talks, etc. taken in in this way are more casual...my eye isn't on them with a singular focus. I have been blessed by them - no doubt! But I have not had the study sessions in my daily schedule for a while and I need them and the Spirit to help me daily. If I get any more casual or away from it I am in true danger of beginning to believe in my own strength, that I am responsible for my success in weight loss rather than acknowledging that it is truly by the power of the Lord that I am being delivered. And, frankly, I have that self righteous, proud, arrogant tendency anyway...I have to constantly be on guard against it...I don't want or need it to gain any more foothold that it has. Besides, it is no exaggeration to say that I am powerless, I am nothing...but that with my Heavenly Father's help, the Savior's atonement, and the Holy Ghost I can become what I should be. Ironically it just hit me how absolutely true this is...it takess three Gods to help me...wow! And what is even more thrilling and humbling to know that I, along with the rest of my Heavenly Father's children, are really the object of Their work...and They could do it easily if I would just get out of Their way! So, I am heading back to better study habits so that I might have His spirit to be with me.